When the feeling's mutual.

A few weeks ago, my handsome hubby and I had an argument. Don't ask me what it was about. I can't remember. It probably had to do with baseball and coaching. about spending more time at home and less time at work. about life being about me, me, me. its usually about one of those things.

the kids were asleep and we both wanted to be tucked in our bed too. but we couldn't just yet because I wanted "to talk".  I knew I was wrong. I had done something disrespectful. don't ask what because I can't remember, remember?! He probably responded with something unloving. the crazy cycle was starting to spin. 

we chatted for a minute. or maybe we didn't. then I said something that one of us usually says at the end of such types of scenarios, "I think we should pray"  don't paint me as a saint just yet. I said it begrudgingly (and I followed it with, "but I don't want to." 
I was hoping for my man-of-God husband to step up, do the right thing, say he was wrong, turn his tender heart toward mine and take the lead. 

expect he didn't do that at all. 
so his reply felt like a knife to my heart...

"the feeling's mutual"

dang. 
ouch.
grrr...whatever, at least I was the one who said we should pray.

the prayer went something like this:
"God, we're not happy. we've offended each other..."

through rolling eyes, (yes, its a raw talent I posses) I asked God to search my heart. just mine. 

it wasn't a long, glorious prayer, but it was over.

I wanted to be right. I wanted to be heard. I wanted to be in control and in charge. But I know Jesus wants me to be in right relationship. darn. He commands and calls us to go first. LOVE GOES FIRST. even when the feelings aren't felt.
He honors our obedience.
...even when the feeling's mutual.